Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
