My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
How does one acquire holy water?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
