you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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