so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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