1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
