I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
