i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
