Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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