Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
