I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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