he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
