Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Someone signed my nipple.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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