That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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