this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
