I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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