so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize