I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
