Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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