just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
