i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
