Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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