just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
