Need sex. Gaining weight.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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