I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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