Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
