just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
