Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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