ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
