alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
