Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
