bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
