drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
