Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
