Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
