Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
