zippers are such a cool invention
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
