Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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