he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
