I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Do you still have your period?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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