Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He passed out mid-signature
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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