the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
