dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
