God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
