i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
