you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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