Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
