My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I can't turn off my feet"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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