Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
