sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
