pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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