Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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