Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize