Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
