Moan for me like Helen Keller
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize