Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
