Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
