how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
