Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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