I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
