They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
