Already got asked if we're dating
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
