Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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