I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
