Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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