I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
