he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
