If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I look better un-naked...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
