I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
