just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
