Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize