saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
worst night to have a conscience
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
