its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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