If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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