You really coming over, don't trick.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
