you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It was like giving head to a cactus.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
