Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
