whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
