Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
