Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I will pee on everything he values.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
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