did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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