nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
