Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize