I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
