i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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