I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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