I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
