dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
