I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
