Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
