Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
