I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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