I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
