Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
