I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
