Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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