I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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