i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
