Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
