True but thats because hes a fetus.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
