May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize