Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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